So Disappointed

As a new member to this site and to nudity in general, it was a very scary thing to put any kind of picture up. I suffer with quite a strong sense of self lothing and a massive lack of confidence. So as u can appreciate this was not easy for me at all. But the nice comments showed me that this is, as I thought, a very accepting group of Human beings. How my illusions were resenty shattered. I was friended by a lovely Young man. And along with others had a bit of fun banter, commenting on posts. He, himself only joined last week. Imagine the surprise when I find out only after a week He has decided to leave the group, being made to feel unaccepted, which is something he strives to find in his life. Due to a medical condition, his appearance is not what it seems. He loves the 'nudiest life but is unable to practice what he loves. All his life he has been bullied, made fun off and ostracized. For a site that claims to accept and embrace all, the very first thing you do to this man is delete his first ever naked picture, not even looking into the circumstances of his appearance. This act of non acceptance has yet again shown him he is alone. With no one he can turn to on the outside world, his life yet again is 1 of solitude. I understand some images would be deamed inappropriate, but please , all I ask is that you don't judge as others have judged, you find out the facts before you make a decision, and you uphold your proud tradition of acceptance to all. Hopper, I love you Flower and will be there for you whenever you need a friend.

Thankyou for your time to read this Blog

79 thoughts on “So Disappointed”

  1. Man, I can't believe how people can be so immature. Grow up! Aren't we supposed to make a difference to make our philosophy and beliefs credible to the idea of inclusion? Stop hate, and stop being bullied!

  2. Hi Huxley / everyone. I think we like to think of ourselves and other naturists as some kind of "Noble Savage" where the primitivism of nudity leads to an idyllic innocent existence. Of course this is delusional. We may aspire to the ideal, but fail because we are human with all the neuroses, history and mess that being human creates. That is why I say not to run away, once we learn that everyone is flawed we can learn to understand and at least live with our own flaws. ( it has taken me nearly 50 years to get used to being autistic) If someone is behaving inappropriately towards you, you do not have to put up with it, report it to the mods because this site is not about people trying to hook up.That said, Because this is not a naturist site per se I sometimes see things I dont like, (the elephant willy warmer was a no no for me – it seems so childish to want to flash your cock in a sock, but live and let live.) The trick is to get to know nice people here and ignore the ones you dont like who are probably on the periphery, afrer all there are 1000s of members here and maybe 100 active daily?
    take care.

  3. well said Huxley,there`s to much intolerance in the world,I remember my school days were not a nice place to be do to different circumstances,but on the genetic front,with my genetic condition P.C.D.I was told I wouldn`t be able to have children,already had one when told that,then had another after a good year health wise,so always look on the bright side I say and I hope you live long and well.

  4. Just thought as this post concerns, and is about me, I should add my comments to this thread.
    I suffer from a condition called Kinefelter Syndrome, although delayed puberty is a part of thiis condition, it, in the big picture of things isnt the only situation that
    I will be dealing with over the rest of my life, others include, infertility, impotence, heart disease, osteoporosis. For those among you who know of these things my chromosones are 48xxxy.
    The picture in question was just a selfpic of me naked, and took a lot of soul searching and alcohol to get it taken and posted. It was commented o by 2 member, then vanished. I did not as has been suggested remove it.
    However if I am honest I expected the pic to be deleted, as i look younger than my age. What I didnt expect was messages, saying youre a liar, go away stupid child, and cute message me.
    To sum up I didnt expect such a high level of intolerancd here, I have suffered this all of my life, ie: being stripped naked in school so everyone could see "the freak".
    Someone commented that to walk away or to run is wrong, to this person I simply say, Walk a mile or two I my shoes. For the time being I intend to stay here, but notpost pictures of myself, and who knows maybefight some of the intolerant, and intolerance.

    • I'll be honest with you Huxley. It's so often the case when somebody sticks around and informs others that a world of good is done. There are always intolerant a-holes we'd all like to disown. You ignore them and focus on the people whose horizons you're broadening.

      None of us really want to be an advocate for anything. We'd far rather get on with as normal a life as possible. There are times when we are thrust into that position whether we like it or not. But what an opportunity! Although it is something else entirely, I think Jodie is an example of somebody who put up with initial negative reactions and rather than letting bafoons drive her away, stuck at it and enriched our understanding immensely.

      Good on you for sticking to it. May we all be the better off for your choice.

    • Hopper, I am so very proud of u, and very honoured that u opened up to me about what U've had to deal with all ur life and not just from schools. Thankyou for accepting me as ur friend and I hope that you will be able to find the peace and acceptance that u long for. I will be there to talk to for as long as u need me. Speak to u soon Flower. X

  5. Sue: I am sad to see him go & hope he will return. Unfortunately sometimes those who have faced bullying or extreme criticism are (understandably) very sensitive to perceived criticism and react (again, understandably) more strongly than necessary. Part of healing from injury is developing resilience, and learning to overcome criticism, and seeking to clarify whether criticism/censure is real or only perceived due to a misunderstanding.

    It would be easy to assume his photo removal was deliberate if he did not remove it himself, but could it be a technical glitch? I've lost much data in tons of programs due to malfunctioning software.

    Additionally, if Huxley was criticized, there are various ways to address the criticism without leaving the site. I don't blame him for leaving, but I hope in time he will discover more productive ways to overcome hurt/criticism than giving up; after all, as nudists, we all get criticism sooner or later! 🙂

  6. I'm a mod, and I saw the photo, and there was nothing wrong with it, and I have not seen any discussion by the mods on the topic and it does not appear in the banned photo group, So I can only assume that it was removed by the owner. The only question is if some one made an offensive remark to Huxley that caused him to take it down.

  7. Tolerance and acceptance are ideals that are extremely difficult to uphold even in the most open minded circle of friends, let alone a site of some 5000 odd users.

    I was stunned this week to be embroiled in a dispute among very close friends who had all fallen out over misunderstanding, miscommunication and a highly emotionally charged atmosphere.

    In this particular instance I found that group A made an assumption about group B, felt offended and sent off a fairly heated message to B. B received the message and immediately reacted negatively because of the contents, without considering how or why A felt or thought that way.
    For my part I could understand the perspective of A and B, and neither were completely right, but neither were completely wrong. What neither party did correctly was communicate in a respective manner. They didn't communicate how and why they thought and felt the way they did, as Sue has done here, nor did they try to see the other person's perspective.

    In a nutshell this is why harmony is so difficult. It's why people find it hard to find acceptance when they're a little left field. It's why people find it challenging to fit into new communities.
    The second you make assumptions about a situation or another person, you're on a slippery slope to discord. I think of all the comments here SteveMcF provides a great example of how people from very diverse different backgrounds can get along.

    What I often see in the most "accepting" people, and even in myself, is aversion when something doesn't meet a particular standard. People are even disgusted by it, and in short this is applying your personal standards to somebody else without actually understanding them.

    In the above dispute I mentioned between friends I made the comment, as soon as you stop treating any other person as an individual, problems will arise. IE: as soon as somebody mentions culture, "I am this culture so…" That person has stopped interacting as an individual.

    Whenever you don't agree with somebody, or feel offended by what they're thinking or doing, consider it from their individual perspective. It is absolutely a two way street.

    Sue your friend has discovered in you an individual who has listened and understood. He has probably listened to you and come to understand you as an individual.
    In this particular circumstance that's occurred, you have perhaps assumed that prejudice and non-acceptance has occurred. In so doing you have not thought about the site moderator as an individual. What if they're concerned about the overall perception of the image? What it communicates to the other 5000 users, or an individual unfamiliar with any of this and is exploring it for the first time. I haven't seen the image, but assume it breeched a site guideline. Even so, my first instinct is to consider the action from an individual's point of view.

    As I have said many times, you can analyse situations to death and get no closer to resolution or understanding. The fundamental issue is that acceptance is a two way street. If you assume others don't accept you, the slightest action will offend. If you assume someone is doing something for unacceptable reasons, you not only take offence but may also cause offence.

    Unfortunately most people's default is to assume the worse. This is what causes disagreements and bad feelings. Discussion between individuals is the only antidote and even that only works when people articulate why they think and feel as they do so the other individual can gain insight into those thoughts and feelings. I'm inclined to think that rather than making accusations based on assumptions, we should all try to make the best effort we can to see if our assumptions are correct. EG: "I feel upset and concerned about somebody's image being deleted because I know them, and doubt they had ill intent."
    This creates constructive dialogue as you have successfully done. When people make accusations however, this is when people feel the need to defend themselves and use aggressive language.
    "I thought you were accepting, but I'm shocked that you're not."

    Having seen the closest of friends fall out over misunderstanding, it makes me realise why it's so difficult for everyone else to get along. We all, myself included, make the wrong assumptions, then follow that up with accusation. What we all need is a new way of seeing the world and interacting as perhaps Steve has done.

    • Thankyou Shane for your input. The problem was not the content of the picture but how this person looks. It is a very difficult situation that the powers that Be would have been in when they saw the photo. They would have, understandably, assumed the age of this individual as under age, but he had explained his Condition that he was born with, gave us an insight into the awful life he's had to endure to this point. The only 'problem' I had/have is that they deleted his profile photo without finding out who he was and why he looks the way he does. I did point out to him that maybe it would be a good opportunity for him to educate people in his condition, that apart from how he looks has quite serious medical issues that will effect his whole life. I am glad people are able to discuss my thought and feeling in a friendly manner as discussion is good and informative. Everyone 's view is important.

      • Naktiv

        Based on what you've said Sue this sounds like simple misunderstanding. I'll raise this in the moderator group.

        It sounds like a good opportunity for people to broaden their horizons. Those that have stuck it out in spite of initial misunderstanding come to find the community is a good environment to talk about their situation and raise awareness of it. This in turn perhaps gives them an opportunity to see a different perspective they weren't able to in a wider context.

        They are always haters of course. Those people have so many hang ups themselves they can't get beyond their own self loathing, and therefore see the world from a minority perspective. As your blog demonstrates open dialogue creates understanding.

  8. What was wrong with the photo and why did it get deleted by the mods?
    How was he being made to feel unaccepted? By Private message? I've not paid an enormous amount of attention but I've not seen anyone publicly posting anything I'd consider untoward (apart from the continued incessant cooing over every new female member/post)

    • I saw his picture and I fully agree that he looked like a teen, however he stated from the beginning that he suffered from delayed puberty syndrome where he looks younger in body than his actual age. So that could be why admin deleted his photo. Other than that I don't think anyone has publicly posted anything negative. So the only thing left is PM that could have been negative.

      • He could have asked the mods if he could send a photo of his drivers license as proof of his age. That's a privacy decision he would have to make. If he looks like a teen then he's probably going to have problems registering with most naturist, and other nudity oriented, sites.

  9. I recently joined a Polyamory meetup group, which is for people in multiple, intimate relationships. The members come from all walks of life, many different relationship configurations, all sexual orientations, all gender identities, and from strong faith to no faith at all. If it is non-traditional, it is represented in that group. One of the organizers, a young lady, has a husband, a partner and a boyfriend. Virtually all of that is new to me, having grown up in a traditional, conservative, monogamous Christian environment. I have even met a few fellow nudists.

    A few days ago, I had the opportunity to interact with a person who was obviously a male-to-female transexual. I was the first person to arrive at one of our scheduled meetings, but somehow our reservation wasn't on the calendar for the facility. By being gracious to the facility staff, they were gracious to me and my group by accommodating us on a moment's notice. I had to put any thoughts of "strange" or "weird" aside, and simply interact with them as fellow human-beings. Graciousness begets graciousness. One of our members calls himself "Freak", and when you meet him, that moniker certainly is appropriate, but he is a very nice guy. Someone who is put-off by his appearance would be missing out on getting to know a very interesting person.

    This is a huge lesson in "Love your neighbor as yourself". Can we, as nudists, afford to do any less? Can we afford to exclude someone from our "family" because they are "different"? Can we afford, as nudists, to be any less caring, any less loving, of those who are our people, our family, our clan, and our community?

    Helen Reddy sang "You And Me Against The World", and it really IS "you and me against the world". Let's be family…

    • Thank you Steve for sharing, while being no more personally involved with certain experiences, I envy you for that beautiful experience and totally agree on the bigger theme. Even though I've been a nudist for so many years, since I was a toddler, it was only after my 30s that I started understanding how naturism is "naturally" companion of acceptance.

      From what I have seen on the Naktiv site, in these few weeks I've been member, there is in here a high degree of acceptance for differences. Not everything goes smoothly but it seems to me that thanks to the forum we in here, at least, are able to overcome most of our prejudices.

      In the naturist social context outthere, in the real world, though, I've not always been met with acceptance. I felt, though, that the world of those not accepting was pretty small, and I decided not to have part in that. Thats where I'm totally in line with what you wrote: we cannot afford it. If we only try not to be as open as nakedness means in its deeper meaning, then we are losing a part of our identity, as to mean a part of our chances to live a merry life, to love and be loved in return (NKC tm 😉

      Have a nice evening everyone with whom you love!

  10. I have deleted my photos and much of my status' due to recent opinions and occurances on here that I don't want to be a part of. Both from new and so-called established 'verified' members and their unhealthy views. I shall say no more on that subject as these people sicken me. But be aware….I am watching certain people!!

  11. Is this person I saw Sue refer to as Flower? I couldn't figure out whom she was talking to. He must have come and gone fast!
    I cannot believe how many women and now men have been chased out in the short period of time I have been here. Sad

  12. Not having seen the photo in question, I'll have to defer to the judgement of the moderators. One of the criteria for posting photos was most likely breached. Having been a member now for a goodly amount of time, I have never seen even one iota of prejudice expressed by anyone on this site. If anything, the moderators use a very light hand when censoring photos.

  13. This type of situation is unfortunate indeed. The moderators of this site delete photos when they don't meet the guidelines listed under the INFO tab. There is NO Prejudice when this happens and often photos are discussed among the moderators to see if it is deemed that there are extenuating circumstances for leaving it up. If this was not done by the mods we would end up with a site full of crotch photos. Those can be found else where quite easily. The other option the gentleman had was to not post a photo at all, many here choose that option. He would have still been free to share in the discussions and he also can share privately his nude photos if he so wishes.

  14. I find it hard to believe that people on here are demonstrating prejudice. Perhaps they are anxious about befriending someone who may seem "under-age" because that can lead to issues in today's suspicious world, others looking in might not understand that the friendship was not malign or had another agenda. I think it is wise for your friend not to post nude pics, they aren't compulsory here, I do post pictures but dont focus on my bits because I dont see them as the most important part of a nude lifestyle. Just a thought, I hope he stays and becomes a contributing member of the community and perhaps meets up with some folks down the beach or somewhere in real life

  15. I am no "prime-specimen" either, because I have been rode hard and put up wet WAY too many times, and my body shows it. Finally getting to bed at 4 AM after taking a friend to the ER will do that to you. At 59, I am still in pretty good shape for the shape I'm in.

    Is it any wonder that nudists/naturists can't make any headway in gaining social acceptance? Our detractors don't need to attack us, because all they have to do is watch us attack each other. A recent discussion in the Facebook YNA men-only group turned ugly in a big hurry, with several members shouting at each other and trying to shout-over each other. Whether a person agrees or disagrees with what was being discussed doesn't give license to throw civility out the window.

    We need to become ultra-accepting, ultra-caring, and ultra-loving of our brothers and sisters in the nudist/naturist community, and that includes in this forum.

  16. I couldn't agree more with Sue and Brent. We don't all conform to social conventions of beauty, and nudists are supposed to be accepting of all sorts of naked bodies- it's a real pity when any nudist is made to feel less of a person by other nudists because of body issues!

    • And it's not his fault. It's a condition he was born with. He has lived with this sort of prejudice all his life and still now in his adulthood. There is absolutely nothing wrong with his body just not as it should be for his age and that's all. But it's obviously enough to make society uncomfortable. Such a shame

  17. Fully agree with you. We all know what it feels like to be the odd one out! So we should embrace each other. I know that I don't always agree with what is being posted in blogs and comments but never have I ever stood up and raised my issues. We all see things diffirently, we all grew up with different socail backgrounds and cultures. But together we stand together and support and accept each other. So I hope that Hopper won't run and stay to find the acceptance of fellow friends and comrades.

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