You might be a dedicated nudist if…

You might be a dedicated nudist if...

• The hardest part of the day is getting dressed to go home from the beach or resort.
• Your idea of a horror movie is one in which everyone is clothed.
• You park outside the gates of the resort in December and cry.
• When you`re raging mad, your only cussword is "TEXTILE!"
• Santa and the elves in your Christmas display are naked.
• Your picture is in the dictionary next to the definition of "nudist".
• Your resort has a day in your honor.
• Your mate has to button your shirts because you`ve forgotten how.
• You select your ensemble for the day by the color of the towel.
• You leave a butt print in the snow angels.
• Your only tan lines are on your face, where the sunglasses rest.
• Your GoogleEarth favorite places include every resort and CO beach within 500 miles.
• You drive by a textile beach and shake your head in disbelief.
• When your kids see you arrive home from work, they ask, "Mommy, who`s that man?"
• You spend hours finding phrases for "n-u-d-e" and "A-A-N-R".
• Your reason for your nude-only hot tub is that clothing fibers clog the filter.
• The thought of the local community swimming pool full of unshowered bodies and unwashed swimsuits causes you to cringe in horror.
• You spend more on sunscreen than on laundry detergent.
• You feel indecent when you're dressed.
• You wonder if that sunny day in January will be warm enough for sunbathing.
• You chop the ice on your pool for one more dip.
• Your pen pal asks for a picture, and you have to search for one where you're clothed.
• You have personal knowledge of what black vinyl car seats do to a butt in August.
• You have a reserved seat in the resort hot tub.
• You call the motor vehicle registry and ask if "IMNUDE" is taken.
• When you drive your RV out of the northern club when it closes, your destination is a Florida club.
• When you're seated next to a 10 at the pool bar, you admire her eyes.
• You have a poster on your wall asking, "If you were on trial for being a nudist, would there be enough evidence to convict you?"
• Your textile neighbors look toward the other side of the street when they walk by your home.
• You're on the "Do not visit!" list at the local JW and Mormon churches.
• You know that there has been a prowler outside of your home because there are shoeprints.
• Your mailman automatically throws out any ads from clothing stores.
• The UPS and FedEx drivers are surprised when you answer the door clothed.
• You head for your mailbox across the road, realize that you're nude... and return with the mail.
• You feel oppressed when you have to wear shorts to mow the lawn.
• You nod knowingly at a dozen or more of these.


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