Being surprised about not being surprised

Again a post about couchsurfing (CS).

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I know that I am a naturist for myself only and it really depends on the atmosphere whether it feels exhibitionistic or not. sometimes it really does and sometimes not at all.

When it does: when I am on my shared balcony (where hardly anyone else comes, but as soon as I hear a sound,I feel uncomfortable) and at a sauna complex, where people are working (clothed) for example in the garden or in a restaurant of the sauna complex, outside.

When it does not feel weird/exhbitionistic: if you feel comfortable around the people you're with.
It was not really naked, but almost, when I shared my room for 10 days with a couchsurfer. 10 days is a long time for CS, but he was there to teach me some Polish. In the beginning we were constantly clothed all the time, but at some point, when we knew how we felt around one another (it felt like we were siblings, there was no sexual attraction. We could be (but were not often) physically close without giving the other person the idea that there suddenly was sexual "tension".) So at some point I just did what I always did when alone: sleeping topless. My behaviour remained the same and there was still no sexual tension (because of my casual behavior?) and I felt really happy when he also felt comfortable in shorts only. The last three days we were dressed like that also in the evening.

But why did it make me happy? It's not because I "love" seeing (half) naked people everywhere. It's about the message behind it. Because often this kinds of clothing decisions make people of the opposite sex (and same age?) think about sex, as an invitation or question, somehow. And I really really liked how this was not the case this time!

No, I do not ever see it as a compliment if someone wants to have sex with me. I see it as something uncomfortable, usually (IF it happens) it is a one-sided wish) and because the other sees something in me that I do not see myself. I makes me feel that "hunted" or "targeted" or yeah... violated in the way that others see me the way I do NOT see myself, because MY nudity has nothing to do with sex (as opposed to what many films and commercials could make people think about "female communication).

That's why I like naturists so much: just peace... no further intentions, just people who see you as a person.

Same last weekend, when I was a guest at someone's place (a Dutch 35+ guy whom I met before, who shared his room with one woman of my age he's in a relationship with): just sitting there, doing my thing, nobody cared! That I liked very much: nobody cared. Nobody noticed.
Only the (bisexual) woman who came from a country outside of Europe (I don't feel like giving more specifications, but according to her her background is a huge deal in how she sees Europe) said in the beginning something about it: that she would not do that because she did not know me so well yet.
Something in her sentence / remark / opinion made me think that she associated nudity with sex (ever heard a naturist making such a remark? Serious question.)
She also made the remark to my host: "how come that people who visit you feel so easily comfortable with nudity?" My host hardly responded (did not care much or did not know the answer) and I said: "it's just about feeling comfortable, and if the atmosphere is good... why not?" I could not read her thoughts, but I think she was surprised and thought that the guy might be the one variable in the case of "who dares to be naked when you hardly know each other?" (?)

Still, after spending almost two days together and two nights (my host and she slept in one bed and I slept on an inflatable mattress in the same room), casually being nude before going to bed and after getting out of bed and walking through the room, she also began feeling comfortable with wearing "only" underwear.

Those moments (of that "underwear moment" the next morning) I like a lot: no warning, no conversation, nothing is said explicitly, you can just see how people feel comfortable and feel safe together, because I have shown our vulnerability and did not provide any sexual references or avances. I have shown that I act differently when dressed. This was clear in both situations.

Maybe also when other people do not call it naturism, I do: when no clothing equals no sex 😀
And both people understand and feel that you don't have to feel "threatened" because of incompatible thoughts of all people present.

Together you create an atmosphere. It is possible to create a sexual atmosphere when everyone wears clothing and it is possible NOT to create a sexual atmosphere when everyone does NOT wear clothing 🙂

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4 thoughts on “Being surprised about not being surprised”

  1. Evellina, your last sentence summed it all up for me: "Together you create an atmosphere. It is possible to create a sexual atmosphere when everyone wears clothing and it is possible NOT to create a sexual atmosphere when everyone does NOT wear clothing :-)" So very true! I have been alone unclothed with naturist women and there was no sexual tension – just enjoying each other's company!!

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