The soap-box

This is an open letter in reply to Simon Bre concerning a recent thread on whether the Naktiv site is homophobic or NOT. I am unable to properly reply to Simon on Facebook, because they have banned me 🙂 (when I posted a photo of the back of a naked man). Therefore I post the reply here instead, and send the link to you directly, and hope it is useful to all concerned.

Hi Simon, you are certainly NOT kicked from the Naktiv site, and I will naturally respond to you. As you have done, I'm making this an open-note to interested parties, but I really have had enough of these non-constructive accusations and counter-accusations and seriously wish to get back to the more productive work of promoting naked activities and this lifestyle for ALL.

I was very loathe to have given you a temporary ban, but only did so to try to get you to calm down, and so that the Naktiv site is not hijacked by the anti-hetero and gay-card waving sentiment which was the only thing to be seen on the site home page. Making every issue a gay issue is non-constructive and tantamount to bullying in the schoolyard where all your mates join in to give me a good kicking. You, and Robert Longpre (a moderator and blogger who has left the site because of this issue), know full well, that I encourage discussion on the Naktiv site, but the kind of one-sided slandering which has been going on recently was taking over the home page for everyone who visited and this is quite simply unacceptable. I have technical plans to reduce this type of side-effect in future. And you may return when that is in place.

As to my comments alluding to perhaps being homophobic on a personal level. I have no idea if I am clinically homophobic or not, but the term was bandied about sufficiently that it certainly seemed pointless to attempt to deny anything of the sort. This is mud-slinging at it's most effective, where even the victim (me) sticks the mud on himself! To accuse me of homophobia is actually quite laughable if you but take the time to look at this male/male photo which you posted: http://www.naktiv.net/photo/1495/simo-terrycap3/userid_330/ and some of the ensuing, very helpful, discussion which was hosted and encouraged on the Naktiv site: http://www.naktiv.net/blog/63/slightly-sexual-or-sufficiently-borderline/ However, as you raise the issue yet again, I'll take this opportunity to explain a bit of this, once and only this once more, as I've had quite enough of this alleged conversation.

When I was young, I was molested repeatedly by a number of gay men. These experiences left me with a serious, and perfectly valid, aversion to the subject of homosexuality. When I admit to this aversion, I am called homophobic. Cereal packet psychology which states that if you don't like something you must secretly like it, of the form which runs: "if you don't like gays you must be gay yourself", is just another form of schoolyard taunting of the "neena neena" kind, which short-sighted and non-productive. It's certainly an easy way to slander anyone who admits to a gay aversion though, and to which there is really no defense, which is probably why the tactic is uses so often by people with a gay, or politically correct, agenda.

The first remark which kicked this thread off, was where I objected to a self-avowed gay man, who had the words "looking for older gay men" on his profile, who posted 3 photos of himself with an erection on the site, in clear broach of the rules. While commenting on this I made reference to "gay stiffies" which seems to me to be an eminently provable and truthful point, and I have absolutely no need to retract that.

My second remark was made as the hysteria gained momentum, and I said "sticky gay twat" in some context or other, and I would, in hindsight, surely call this statement superfluous and prejudicial and homophobic. For this statement I will readily apologize to all and sundry. I think that the appropriate response to this would be to pull me up on my comment, point out that what I have said is homophobic, and request I not make such volatile statements in future. Or, details notwithstanding, something along those lines. In future I then have the opportunity, using better information, to modify my own behaviour and perhaps to consider my off-hand remarks before I make them. And there it should end.

I should add that it's entirely possible my comments have been somewhat more slapdash of late, and perhaps my sensitivity is either dulled or enhanced on some topics right now. I would attribute some of that to the recent and fairly acrimonious end to a 25 year marriage. Whether this is politically correct to say so or not, when a marriage of that length goes belly up, it's possible that a certain level of understanding for special case pleading goes out the window with it. What I'm saying, is that if I seem a little edgy, that might explain *some* of it. My earlier point still stands, if someone thinks I have said something untoward, then they are quite free to tell me so, regardless of my personal situation, but there is still no need (imho) to mount a sustained campaign of character assassination and community destruction.

As far as my moderators go and who said what, I've already lost 2 valued people over this issue now, both Robert (left of his own volition and deleting both his blogs and his parting remarks as he went), and Gene (moderating privileges rescinded). Others have threatened to leave if this rant continues and I refuse to maintain this point-scoring exercise by going through every single issue with you, as to who said what to whom, when, and what they really meant to say, or not, whether they are homophobic or not. I welcome discussion, but not flame-wars, and have debated with most of my moderators at some point. This is a healthy exercise to ensure the Naktiv site remains free from the politically correct death knell of card-waving conform and obey tactics. I think I have been extremely lenient with regard to what some people have posted on the Naktiv site, Simon included, and that I have apologized sufficiently for any untoward remarks I may have made regarding this topic. This thread is really quite long enough now and I for one am seriously bored by the topic.

I do think it's remarkable that people who one minute said "the Naktiv site is the best site on the internet for social networking and naked activities", or words to that effect, can turn around and try to bring our site down in this way, with rumour-mongering and schoolyard-bullying tactics of this sort. However, and please be clear on this, people may leave, and people may go, but the Naktiv site will stay and continue to provide a safe place to promote naked activities, and to discuss relevant issues, regardless of, (and not catering especially for), your own particular preferences. the Naktiv site will not be kowtowed by bullying from any special interest group.

Finally: I'm not a retired school-teacher, and I do not have the time to spend on letters of this kind every day, arguing every single small point to every single affronted person, about each of their personal soap-boxes. I have a site to run, and I also have a life to rebuild. If you wish to continue to use our facilities, (and I'll say it yet again, you are welcome to), please re-read the rules and modify your behaviour on the Naktiv site to be more conducive to a community atmosphere with OUR single goal as per the http://www.naktiv.net/mission-statement/

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