accepting my own truth

I am writing this on my birthday, happy 34th to me. For the new year, I told myself to quit lying to myself. All of my life I have denied myself to myself. I have slowly accepted different parts of myself, like being a nudist. But the one aspect of myself I have always denied was being gay. I really don't know why I have done that. My family accepts me regardless of who I am. I am a wiccan so religion isn't the issue. I think it may have been the idea that the social norm is to be straight.Not a great way to explain it really. I once read a book that had a character who denied being gay to himself. He was a magician, and used his powers unconsciously to heal away the urges. I can't do that, but I could tell myself other things like, oh he is handsome bet he gets lots of girls...or other things. I have even in retrospect, chosen friends because I liked them secretly but didn't consciously see that. Now I am out, I am gay and I don't care who knows it. I feel better for accepting that part of myself, for being open about it, and for telling my parents. I have been chatting with a guy who I hope will be the one. I now look at guys and accept what I feel. I have not changed how I act, I just accept myself.I actually feel pride for the people who at a young age accept themselves for what they are. whether they are straight, bi, gay, transgendered...whatever. I think it really sucks that people try to make others conform to what they view as 'normal'. I dislike the feeling that you have to conform to fit in. I don't fit in, I am an outsider, and I like that. I mean I am a nice guy, will go out of my way to be of help, even if you are a jerk or I dislike you. I treat people as people, because lets face it, we are all of the same race...the human race. I don't like fighting, or war, I love to read, and I write poems. I play video games and love to play dungeons and dragons and other roleplaying games. I am smart, love board games, and card games. I play magic the gathering, and munchkin. I believe in magic, and ghosts. I am precognitive to a small extent, and have empathic abilities. Large crowds bother me, because a lot of time it is too much energy around and I get overstimulated, making it hard to function. I feel others emotions, I like to help or listen to people.I am multi-faceted, and I like who I am. I may be sarcastic, I may get moody, but at least I don't judge others by anything but what they present to me. I think the world could benefit from that way of being...instead of going by color, or speech patterns, size or gender, or any of the other ways people judge people, we should just get to know each other, and go by that.

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2 thoughts on “accepting my own truth”

  1. Good for you, David. The hardest battle we have to overcome in life is being true to ourselves regardless of what others think. In all spiritual teachings I have read, the basic tenant for happiness is being true to yourself. Be who you are, unapologetically.

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