"I hate when people say that women should dress more modestly in order to "leave something to the imagination". Leave what to the imagination? What do people think is under my clothes? A mass of algae? Memes? Shinji ikari?"
What do you think about this quote?
When I thought about it, I thought about my couchsurfing experience and the stereotypes about male heterosexuals. Okay, Couchsurfing in general takes more effort for people (being hospitable, polite..writing references for the illusion of social control) than for example Tinder (which I do not use myself, but I heard from a close friend how it works and what kind of conversations and meetings she has with male heterosexuals).
Anyway, I am active on couchsurfing and I feel safe when I host male heterosexuals. So far I hosted about 7 (there were two couples).
On my profile (with a lot of info that not everyone reads) I say that I am "naturist friendly", but in practice I am not an indoor nudist. I don't know who reads it, but when it is time to sleep I just undress as usual.
So here is my next statement, based on my couchsurfing experience:
"Sometimes being naked is safer than being half naked."
The more my couchsurfers see of my skin, the more I might disappoint their (sexually charged?) imagination, and the more I can be free and calm to be myself…? I am not sure how true this is. It is just a thought that crossed my mind when looking at my naked body and looking at the text quotes above.
But seriously, I love it when I host heterosexual guys and I can just undress and they don't care or they at least don't see a sexual message when I take off my shirt and/or pants. And then I can just forget about my gender and all the stereotypes attached to being a female (…when alone in a bedroom with a heterosexual male…)
No, when I undress, my guest never made a big deal out of it. Maybe I am not attractive to them, which is great for my general feeling of safety. Because when I don't have to worry about my gender when naked, then I just feel… equal? Like there is no difference, you know? When bodies are just being one part of the material world, but the conversations with my guests and the eye contact are way more interesting.
And you know what: the more I undress, the more my male guest also feels at ease with undressing! And all the times this happened, there was no sexually charged atmosphere. I just love it when that is possible.
Or wait… should I maybe not be so surprised? Why does this surprise me? Am I the one who got negative stereotypes of heterosexual males? Did my mother gave them to me? Of my best male friend, who says that "all men want the same?" Pff… Wherever the stereotypes come from, I am glad that my experience so far with undressing in my bedroom with male heterosexual guests was naturally asexual.
Still: the reason for this can also be the general (illusion) of social control, because after two strangers meet via couchsurfing, one leaves a reference for the other, which can be negative or positive.
(Only once a heterosexual male couchsurfer approached me in a sexual way and that was when I was wearing all of my clothes. This guy somehow deleted his account after I hosted him and left him a reference.)
2 thoughts on “Couchsurfing and hosting male heterosexuals”
I fully agree with you if you say, i hate comments to dress more modest.
I think that we are not here to please others, but just be ourselfs and have our own habits in what we do.
its such a rude thing to tell others what to do in this case, so you should leave it up tho them so they can undress you with there eyes.
at least sometimes i get that feeling.
And about your statement: being naked is better then half naked.
This can be linked to many different opinions and feelings.
But to my opinion it is not a disappointment, so on that i have to say false. 🙂
But it is a great thing that you do, to host for couchsurfing, sometimes you meet interesting people with lots of knowledge and experiences, and from those experiences they have learned to accept and be them selfs.
So i wish you more good experiences with future guests!