I am having one of my days. I feel fine for the most part but feel as though all my efforts are for naught. I figure it is a type of depression but don't like to feel this way. I used to be more upbeat and would smile trying to cheer others up. I read a post on Facebook not long ago that said the happiest people are usually the ones who need the most help. I have for years gone out of my way to help others, whether with the physical world, or emotional. I am tall so help others reach what is up high. I have a great listening ability and can fathom solutions or even give advice that helps in some way…or just listen as that is all that is needed sometimes.
But I am tired. I am tired of being alone. I am tired of being there for others. I sometimes feel I am not appreciated by those I engage in conversation. I know I am a valued person, and that my talents are not wasted, yet I yearn for more concrete results. I am a patient person, and forgiving to a point. I am quiet and kind.
I feel broken at times. It may be from my failed marriage years ago. It may be from the fact I can't support myself outside of my parents home. I want to cry, but can't for I have no reason to. I am blessed for having a loving family, good friends(though none are close by), and good health. I am a talented cook, can anticipate when the food is at the near perfect condition or the right cooking time. Yet I still feel as though I am incomplete. I need advice maybe, though I don't know for what. Even when I am happy I feel this way though it is diminished by large degrees it is still there. Perhaps there is no solution, or maybe I can not see it, either way I write this because I feel the need to express myself. I just don't know.