Aren't you also fascinated by what is "obvious" in a textile situation and what is "obvious" in a naturist situation? Same counts for swinging environments, btw. I am writing this now, because after 3 experience of sexual assault thinking to myself "I should say "no" more directly, more clearly, I should say "no" more often" (putting the blame on myself) I recently experienced it for the 4rd time and now I decided to take a closer look at what is actually in my power and what is not. So after a lot of thinking and writing poetry, here is another realization I had and I would like to share with you and ask for your opinion.
In short: the textile culture suddenly seems to be as complicated to me as the English language appeared to be after getting to know the Finnish language. Read further if you want to know what this metaphor means.
-There is the swinging environment, which is heavily loaded with mutual sexual intentions. Fine. Whatever your cup of tea tastes like.
-There is the naturist environment, which is heavily loaded with personal enjoyment of nature. Fine. Whatever your cup of tea tastes like. Some people there might like small talk, but in the beginning one is a naturist for themselves, and not to please others.
-There is the textile environment (let's say a bar, for example), which is heavily loaded with... with what? Hidden agendas? Tacit rules of social interaction? When/how is someone hinting for sex and when/how can you stop second-guessing each and every movement and remark?
What is seen as "obvious" and "normal" is different in each cultural environment. And even though I do not have much experience in the swing culture and am relatively new to the naturist culture, I really feel that the textile culture is the most complicated one. Even though I am part of that culture for most of my daily life.
So now I wonder...
-since we're all part of more than one culture and we all have more than one identity
-since we are all more or less bi(or tri-)cultural people (regarding (semi-)textile social environments)
...are we more aware of these different sets of social rules than people who only and solely belong to the textile culture?
Personally, I can also compare this to my knowledge of English and how I looked at the language differently after learning Finnish and Hungarian. English is only "easy" for me because it is the first foreign language I learned and I was exposed to it very often (television, books, etc.). After learning Finnish and Hungarian, languages that do not have gender, articles or mesmerizing time-indicators in their verbs, but instead have a very straightforward way of pronouncing and building words and meanings, I realized how difficult English actually was. When I saw a new word, I had no idea how to pronounce or write it and it was frustrating.
Now I feel the same about the textile community, where I (have to?) over-think and over-analyze someone's intentions, because he_she is trying to hide their sexual_romantic interest, because it would be impolite or awkward. But since I do not recognize the signs, the person ends up thinking I am okay with their hidden agenda and then we end up in an awkward situation in which I do not know anymore how to be polite and direct and say that I do not like this (sudden?) sexualized atmosphere.
Should I have seen it coming?
Should I have been more culturally aware?
Suddenly I see that the culture I have belonged to for most of my life is more complicated than the ones I have recently discovered. Even in the swinging culture (in my highly limited experience) people ask directly if you agree and people actually know what "no" means (both verbally and physically). The communication is so much more open and direct in both naturism and swinging and no I am very confused about the textile communication culture.
I am looking forward to your hear your experiences and opinions on these cultural differences and normalcies.