I have commented previously how much it slays me to see people grapple with their religious beliefs.
I suspect the reason it troubles me so deeply is because it's far too easy to be misled by your own thought processes. It's too easy to be so convinced of something, that your mind is imprisoned in a self imposed dungeon where no light comes in. What's more, the dungeon door is wide open, but you choose not to walk through it. There is a world of light and knowing beyond the door, but so convinced are you of your need to be punished, you endure a punishment you don't deserve.
I've spent most of my life examining the nature of existence. I've studied the bible cover to cover, been a born again Christian. I've read the Koran a number of times cover to cover. I had no issue with the premise of Islam in relation to Christianity. I've studied Buddhism, metaphysics, the occult and most importantly neuroscience.
The fundamental problem with religion, is when you examine it with critical thought, it doesn't withstand that scrutiny. The truth should not require faith to maintain its integrity. It should withstand examination from any angle and maintain its integrity. This is not the case with most religion.
People uphold the bible, Koran or other religious text as the source of their truth. There are a number of problems here. Fundamental problems.
No one text is truly authentic or authoritative. Each one is an interpretation and translation of previous texts. This in and of itself is not a huge issue. What you're relying on in the Christian context in particular, is that the correct texts were chosen.
What should concern you far more deeply is that religion came out of an uneducated era when very little about how the world, indeed the universe actually worked.
On that basis a lot of religion has common threads that were like best guesses at the time.
If you compare modern religions with indigenous stories of creation, they have a commonality. That is, a mythical creature created the known universe.
Christians scoff at indigenous stories of creation. "A giant lizard you say? Preposterous! Utter poppycock."
In the next breath the missionary pipes up and describes how there is this "father" in the sky who created all mankind in his image.
At the very best what you're relying on is your own gut instinct that all those before you were right. You're depending on the "source" human being right. Be it Mohammad, Jesus, Buddha or whoever.
Buddha studied the religions of his time and found them to be lacking. To this end, from a secular perspective, a fair amount of Buddhist thought stands up to scientific scrutiny. Meditation in particular has recorded evidence of improvements to the neocortex. The modern reasoning portions of the brain.
What many probably don't realise is that science is actually philosophy. Science doesn't establish fact. It proposes certain things with a degree of probability.
The degree of probability is established via rigorous peer review, confirmation of findings by using independent data sets to verify the conclusions. Most importantly, science provides verifiable predictions. IE: If A is true, then when B and C occur, D should happen.
The important distinction here is science is philosophy that doesn't rely on faith as its foundation. IE: Because I and others believe it's true, it must therefore be true.
History is littered with false assumptions, misinterpretations and just plain misunderstanding. This should provide a clear caution not to put our faith in apparent evidence of our senses. A lot of proven theory is counter intuitive. That is, it defies our understanding of the world. Space time is one of the best examples. We know and have proven that time is slowed down by massive objects. GPS satellites need to account for the time on earth versus time in space, otherwise you'd never reach your destination. Time runs faster in space where it's not slowed as much by the earths mass.
Rather than trying to prove the basis of your faith, you should be trying to disprove it. If something has basis in reality, it will maintain it's basis no matter what lengths you go to in order to disprove it.
White is upheld as the purest form of light. The irony is, white is an illusion our brains create because white light contains every frequency of light. What our brain does with this input is simplifies it and registers intensity instead. We see no colour at all!
When this discovery was made, religious leaders at the time tried to suppress it. It brought into question the purity of all they held sacred. There are many examples like this, and as our understanding of existence improves, so there will be many more examples.
Science doesn't disprove the existence of God, so much as it questions the misconceptions of who and what God might be. All religion's caution against worshipping false Gods. What if you're worshipping the wrong God because you're following a misguided religion?
For centuries everybody believed that heavier objects fell faster than lighter ones. They didn't understand the basic principals of classic physics. It only took a very simple experiment of dropping two objects of different mass from a tower to discern fact from faith.
Stop torturing yourself unnecessarily and walk out into the light. There's air to breath, facts to find and your life will be all the more fulfilled for it. Unfetter your mind!